Yes Please, No Thank You

 

“When you say ‘yes’ to others make sure you’re not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” 

– Paulo Coelho

It’s either a “yes, hell yes, no or hell no.” 

When you invite maybe, perhaps and I might to the party, that is simply a “no.”  Procrastinator alert!  Delayed pain is still pain.

I feel you sister!   I avoided certain situations or people because I just didn’t want to deal with saying no.  My pet peeve in my career is when people stop me in the hall and need something from me when they didn’t respect me or my time enough to call, text or email in advance.   Good morning to you too!  Thanks for dropping a big fat turd on my to-do list.  You wonder if they didn’t run into me, would they have asked?  

It is flattering to be asked, invited, and included.  Yet it isn’t fun when you feel taken advantage of or for granted.  We like to make others happy and feel helpful however, it becomes a big o plate of people pleasing and over-committing when we can’t say no.  

Does your yes, hell yes, no and hell no align with you and your priorities?  If it doesn’t you may be a purple people pleaser!

Warning signs of pleasers:

• You pretend to agree with everyone. 
• You feel responsible for how other people feel. 
• You apologize often. 
• You feel burdened by the things you have to do. 
• You can't, won’t or don’t know how to say no. 
• You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you. 
• You act like the people around you and are not authentic to you. 
• You need praise to feel good.
• You cave in the end.

People Pleasing Pivots

✔ Own this 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 - it's yours to make.

✔ Say no with 𝓈𝓉𝓎𝓁𝑒

   - thanks for asking, however, I have already allocated my time this month.

   - Wow, nice of you to think of me.  I'm dedicating my time right now to my family.

   - I'm flattered.  My energy is focused on a personal project right now.

✔ Unsure - 𝗯𝘂𝘆 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 ⏰

   - Thanks for asking, let me get back to you on Wednesday.

   - I like the idea, I need to make sure it is a good fit right now.

   - Sounds exciting, what would the time commitment look like?

What not to do:

🚫 I wish I could.  That is not true, you really don't want to. 

🚫 Don't apologize and give why.  It isn't their business.

🚫 Don't tell them to ask you next time.  This just keeps them thinking you will eventually cave and say yes.  

“Your time here on earth is limited.  Don’t waste it chasing approval and ignoring what you really want.” 

- Marie Forleo

There is a line between someone needing your help and expertise versus someone who is taking advantage of you.  Dear, you have graduated from that bullshit!  Start saying what you mean and stop apologizing for it.

Playful options of saying NO - Humor yourself to the life YOU want!

• This isn’t my cup of tea.  
• Why, heavens no.
• No can do, Boo.
• I will sit this one out.
• My Mommy won’t let me.
• I have to wash my hair.
• I’m rooting for you, but no.
• I can’t just be another pretty face.
• Oh, I wish there were two of me.  She probably could.
• You go ahead, let me see how it goes.
• Sorry dear, not today.
• Never, Nada, Nope, No, Not gonna happen, Nice try.
• Not only No, but hell No.

“Be who you are & say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter & those who matter don’t mind.”

– Dr Seuss